A panda walks into the library. He eats a sandwich, then draws his bow and shoots two arrows."Why did you do that?" asks the librarian as the panda walks toward the exit.The panda shows her a badly punctuated book. "I'm a panda," he says. "That's what it says we do."The librarian looks at the page:PANDALarge black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.
I borrowed two books from the library, Eats, Shoots & Leaves (Why, Commas Really Do Make a Difference) and The Girl's Like Spaghetti (Why You Can't Manage Without Apostrophes!) by Lynne Truss. For each example, there are illustrations by Bonnie Timmons. I found these books terribly amusing.
For Eats, Shoots & Leaves, she had the following examples:
Slow, children crossing.Slow children crossing.Go, get him doctors!Go get him, doctors!Every day, Anthony turns, slides and swings.Every day, Anthony turns slides and swings.After we left Grandma, Mummy and I skipped about in the park.After we left, Grandma, Mummy and I skipped about in the park.Becky teased the boy with the fluffy duck.Becky teased the boy, with the fluffy duck.No cats, thank you.No cats thank you.Becky walked on, her head a little higher than usual.Becky walked on her head, a little higher than usual.Look at the huge hot dog!Look at the huge, hot dog!The kids, who got ice cream, were very happy.The kids who got ice cream were very happy.The student, said the teacher, is crazy.The student said the teacher is crazy.No pushing, please.No pushing please.I've finally decided to cheer up, everybody!I've finally decided to cheer up everybody!What is this called, honey?What is this called honey?
These were the ones in The Girl's Like Spaghetti:
The giant kids' playground.The giant kid's playground.Students' refuse to go in the bin.Students refuse to go in the bin.The dogs like my dad.The dog's like my dad.Ladies' lounge.Ladies lounge.Violets for display only.Violet's for display only.See the boys bat.See the boy's bat.See the boys' bat.We're here to help you.Were here to help you.Those smelly things are my brother's.Those smelly things are my brothers.Jack's played here.Jacks played here.The tiny cat's home.The tiny cats' home.The shop sells boys' and girls' clothing.The shop sells boys and girls' clothing.Look, it's behind.Look, its behind.The apostrophe's like a flying comma.The apostrophes like a flying comma.
I wonder when Twenty-Odd Ducks will show up in the library.
2 comments:
I borrowed eat shoots and leaves from the library some time back and really enjoyed reading it. I should look around for the other books you mentioned
I remember one example from my Humanities class.
"Pardon impossible, to be executed at dawn."
"Pardon, impossible to be executed at dawn."
My professor's version was accompanied by a cheesy love story involving a queen and a convict, but I won't bore you with that ;)
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