More on Regret

I picked up another equation :  REGRET  =  DISAPPOINTMENT + RESPONSIBILITY  

I have got to admit that there is a lot of truth there.  I sincerely believe that many people, no matter how happy they may seem, will still have SOME regrets.  In fact, I think a bit of regret can do a person good. Regret will nudge a person to the right direction.  When one feels regret, this means that he has reflected on his situation and his actions,  has taken responsibility for these, and has considered where things have gone wrong and/or what things could have been done better.

If you recall the top five regrets as stated by Jane McGonigal (see Choose Happiness), you will see that we have a deep sense of regret when we feel responsible for the outcome of things.  This often relates to choices we make (or don't make) and the things we do (or don't do).  Oftentimes these relate to one's self, one's family, one's work.  And since no man is an island, the choices we make usually affect others.

If a person claims he has lived a life with no regret, it is said there are three likely explanations:  

• Either he is living an unexamined life and just says he has no regrets because it makes him feel and look confident.  

• Or he has a low baseline of expectations or an ability to reframe reality such that he never has disappointments.  

• Or, as the equation suggests, he doesn't take responsibility for anything.

It is especially hard on the people around someone who claims to have no regrets.   This person's low expectation leading to minimal disappointment is not the same level of expectation and disappointment felt by those around him.  And the responsibility that is not taken usually falls on someone else's shoulders. 

Too much regret.  No regrets.  Both extremes are not what we desire.  Neither will bring us happiness.  Even when it comes to regret, the old saying is true -- EVERYTHING IN MODERATION.

Well, today being All Saints Day, one can only aspire to be like the saints.  They were human too, so presumably they also had some regrets, yet they are now all in heaven.  So there is hope.  There is hope.